This is 29

I am 29 on September 29.

In the last year, I have gone through fears of aging. I squared with the fact that I won't look or feel how I do forever.

Sooner or later I realized it didn't matter. The closer I am to my soul, the less I feel bounded by age. Some days I feel like a thousand-year-old oak tree. Other days I feel like a kindergartener skipping around with her arts and crafts.

Somewhere in between the notes, I’m none of these things. I just am.

Age is, therefore, becoming a less important metric for me. Many people think aging is a sin, while others believe we become more valuable as we age. I’ve come across many younger people who are wiser than older people. I’ve seen kids who look like they’re about to retire and elders basking in the fountain of eternal youth.

So, what’s my point? If anyone ever tells me to act my age, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear them.

I’ve also thrown a lot of personal timelines, goals, and expectations out the window. The carefully laid out plan isn’t as appealing to me as it once was. I’d rather be surprised, and allow the universe to take the lead. The more I do, what’s authentic to me starts to shine and I carry less load on my shoulders.

Life tends to oscillate between being a simple melody and a complex sonata. Turning 29, I’m starting to like the beat of my own tracks. Sometimes I get frustrated with unfamiliar tempos and syncopations because they’re not what I had pictured. Eventually, I realize they sound pretty groovy and I start dancing along to the ever-changing rhythm of my song.

Now that I’m a year older, nothing much is going to change. I’m still going to continue to follow my inner sensei. It’s not always easy because it keeps directing me against the current; making me swim farther and farther away from dry land. I can feel the nervous waves of laughter from my ancestors as I go against their wishes for a more traditional and safer life (sorry, family.)

But that’s what it means to be the creator of your story: to take responsibility for the kind of life you want to live. As Don Draper says, “If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation.”

How badly I want a life of integrity isn't even a question. If the universe tries to test me, I will surf through the waves again and again. If the rug is pulled out from underneath and I’m brought back to the bottom, I will rise above it like I always do.

If anything, this new cycle is a recommitment to my dharma, which is everything aligned with truth, love, passion, and beauty.

This is 29 and beyond.

xx

🦋 Angel Sandy